Santa's a bitch!
by Mizookie
Summary: Its my first Naruto fic so no flames please! :) Anyway, its Chrsitmas time and everyone is happy. Except three people and their out for Santa's ass! Lets see how that works for them. Its going to be a three or four shot. What ever works for me. Please enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

It was Christmas time in Konoha. The snow was falling, covering everything making it a winter wonderland. Kids, and some older people were in the snow making snow angels. People making snowmen, everyone was happy. So happy that kids were waiting to see the fake ass Santa clause.

Sakura, Hinata, and Ino were waiting for " Santa" at the mall. Sakura and Ino were happy and cheering as Hinata was twiddling with her fingers, not knowing what to do. When Santa came out, everyone was so happy. Except about three people. The were sitting in at a table.

Naruto was eating ramen and Sasuke was drinking some kind of drink. Gaara was just staring at the jolly fat man. Naruto was wearing sunglasses with a orange knit hat on his head. He was wearing a orange jacket and pants that were blue. Sasuke was wearing a blue knit hat and sunglasses. Vest was blue and pants were a light blue. Gaara was wearing a red knit hat with his face out. His vest was green and his pants were black. They all got up.

" That fat bastard is going down!" Naruto shouted. He drank the juice of the ramen and crushed the cup in his hand.

" Like you need to say it." Sasuke rolled his eyes. But he agreed with Naruto completely. That jolly man was going down!

" What do you think Gaara?" Naruto asked and turned to look at Gaara. He was gone. Arrows were above where Gaara was suppose to be standing. " Gaara?" He asked and looked around. He also noticed a chair was missing. Dots formed above Naruto's and Sasuke's head as they put two and two together.

" Oh shit! Gaara gone rogue!" Sasuke shouted.

" Quick! He must be with Santa! Like hell he's getting the first hit!" Naruto and Sasuke ran to where the dozens of people were. Lets just hope to kami that they make it there in time.

Santa was still waving at the fan's. He never saw the chair , that was flying through the sky, coming. It hit him upside the head. " Ah!" He screamed in pain and fell to the ground. The crowd gasped but no one moved to help him.

Gaara ran towards Santa and kicked him in his gut. " YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT!" He shouted and continued to beat the shit out of Santa. " YOUR ASS IS MINE YOU FAT SON OF A BITCH!"

" AH! WHO ARE YOU?! AH! SOMEONE HELP!" Naruto and Sasuke made it through the crowd, following the sounds of Santa's screams made it somewhat easy to find Santa, only to see Gaara beating up Santa with his bare hand's. Punching him as he straddled the man. He kept punching and Santa kept screaming for help. That was when Naruto stepped in. " DUDE, DUDE, DUDE! CHILL!" He shouted and pulled the crazed sand boy off of Santa.

" You know better." Naruto said and held Gaara in place. Gaara looked down. He kept struggling but Naruto held him still. " You know that the strongest one always goes first!" With that Naruto kicked Santa in the balls.

" Oooo that had to hurt!" Ino said as she winced.

" Idiot! Your suppose to use a golf club! Do I have to do everything?" Sasuke asked as he brought out a golf club.

" No man please! No-ah!" Santa cried when Sasuke brought the club down on Santa. They all took turns beating the shit out of Santa. Until a mall cop came.

" Aw fuck! it's the popo!" Sasuke shouted.

" Let's bail!" Naruto shouted and started to flip over the crowds of people.

" Come on! We can take him!" Gaara shouted. That is, until about 6 other mall cops came. Normally, he could kill them easily but seeing as his team left him, he didn't want to just stand there and fight alone. That would be lame. " Aw man." He groaned and threw the chair he threw at Santa at the cops. He than ran like a bat out of hell. Santa stood up only to be knocked down by the cops.

" Really?! Nobody has my back?! Nobody has Santa's back?!" He screamed at the crowd. They stood there in quiet. What did he want them to do? What could they do?!

" That's fucked up man!" He shouted and started to limp away. " You guys are fucked up!" He shouted in a kids face. " Un fucking believe! You guys can go straight to hell!"

The next day

" You had to see it! Santa got his ass handed to him by these three mystery guys!" Sakura said to Naruto, Sasuke and Gaara.

"Heh, is that right?" Naruto asked nervously.

They were sitting out side in the snow, eating while Gaara wrote a letter to someone and the Sakura came and started to talk about what happened yesterday. They knew what happened but decided to play dumb. Who knows how loud Sakura will yell once she found out it was them.

" Yeah! Santa was pissed after wards. Cursing everyone out. I don't blame him. We did just watch him." She said sheepishly. She would of loved to help but it was pretty entertaining.

" He deserved it. Ignoring kids like me. Where was Santa when my goddamn uncle tried to kill me?! That bastard can rot in a fiery hell!, may he rest in peace, and where was Santa?! Not there when I wished him back so I could have someone who cares! AND WHERE WAS SANTA WHEN I ASKED FOR A FRIEND AND ALL I GOT WAS SOME BITCH SLAMING A DOOR IN MY FACE! WHERE THE FUCK WAS SANTA THEN?!" Gaara screamed on the top of his lungs. They team stared at him as they were frozen in a flinching position. They're eyes were dots and Gaara looked at them. " I mean, uh…..oh no. someone hurt the loveable jolly fat guy. Who could of hurt him?" He said with the most pathetic acting skills.

"…..uh huh so Santa isn't dead?" Sasuke asked.

"….Yeah…Gaara I think you need help." Sakura said in the nicest way possible.

" No I don't. I'm as happy as a fucking clown near Christmas time. See? Look at me smile." Gaara tried to smile but his face actually cracked. " Just shut up stupid girl."

" He said he's coming back to the mall tomorrow." Sakura said, ignoring the pissed off red head. Seeing them just stare at her, made her feel weird and she left. More like ran out of there but who cares?

" He's coming back." Naruto said with a straight face.

" His ass is going to hang on my wall." Sasuke said.

" Gaara, who are you writing to?" Naruto asked, filled with curiosity.

" Santa."

" ….How's its coming?"

" Listen to it. Dear Santa, You're a whiny little bitch. You left me out of Christmas along with two others while everyone else got presents. I hear your getting extra security. Bitch move Santa but it wont stop me. Your ass is gonna be mine by Christmas. If you don't want to die, you better pay what you owe or you'll regret it. What we want is Ramen, A chance to kill Itachi and a true friend that wont stab me in the back. Sincurly yours, the Santa ass kickers.

" You spelled sincerely wrong." Sasuke Pointed out.

" Shut the fuck up and tell me what you think." Gaara snapped.

The blond looked at the raven head. They looked at each other. Gaara was taking this shit seriously. There was only one thing to say. " I think its kick ass." Naruto said.

" Yup. Santa wont know what hit him." Sasuke said.

" Lets roll Santa ass kickers." Gaara said.

" Oh! Lets be called the SAK!" Naruto shouted with a smile.

" ?" Gaara and Sasuke looked at him with a question mark. Why in the world does he want to be called that? He must be stupider than they give him credit for.

" Its shorter and cooler." He said simply.

"…..okay….lets roll SAK."

* * *

Its a three shot! By the way, sorry if Gaara and everyone sounds oc. I havent actually watched Gaara in Naruto yet so i dont have much of a clue what he talkes/ sounds like. Help me out and tell me what you think. :) And how they actually talk please.


	2. Chapter 2

Santa was sitting in the mall looking around in worry. Those guys who beat up the last Santa would be back. He knew it but yet he still took the job. They were paying double so as long as he didn't get his ass kicked, he would be fine. He hoped.

" So, your going to protect me?" Santa asked Gai. Gai and his pupil Lee were Santa's new body guards. They were dressed as elves and looked so stupid but then again, they looked stupid on a regular basis so they didn't notice. It was only a little different from their normal outfit. It was just missing leg warmers.

" Don't worry Santa! No one is gonna hurt you as long as were here!" Lee smiled and shot up a thumbs up. His elf hat titled side ways and fell off his head. He scrambled to pick it up only to slip.

" I'm doomed." Santa mumbled and put his head in his hands. Gai and Lee just laughed. This Santa was kinda a downer and showed little fate in them. It made them laugh. They'll show him.

As everyone waited in line and kid after kid sat on Santa's lap and said what they wanted for Christmas. Then a little girl no more than five sat on his lap. " What do you want for Christmas?" Santa asked with a false smile.

" I want a - a Santa, you have a red dot on your head." The little girl said. She pointed at the guys forehead. Gai's eyes widen and he followed where the red dot was coming from. Some kid with Sunglasses and a orange vest was standing their with a gun.

" Santa look out!" He shouted. He jumped in front of Santa in slow mo. Naruto shot the gun and it hit Gai. " Ah! God damn it that hurt! My spleen! Oh he broke my spleen!" Gai cried as he held his stomach.

" Sensei?!" Lee shouted and knelt next to Gai. Naruto cursed and ripped out another gun and started to shoot. Nobody knew it but he was just firing bb's from his bb gun. He ran forward while everyone was panicking to shoot that fat bastard. He fired two shots at Santa but was shocked to see Santa dodge it by using a kid as a human shield.

" Ow! Ow Santa why?!" The child cried in pain before getting thrown off his lap.

" Fuck." Naruto cursed. " Santa's heading towards you fire dude! He's heading towards the food court!" Naruto shouted in a ear piece.

" Copy that orange fox." Sasuke replied.

Naruto stood there for a moment in silence. " Why did I use orange fox as my code name?" He asked himself.

* * *

As Santa ran towards the food court, he got shot at by a fire ball. " WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!" He screamed as he barely dodged the fire ball.

Sasuke was standing on top of a table. He could of used his bb gun but didn't feel like it. Plus, burning the guy alive could be extremely fun. " Your ass is mine Santa!" He shouted as he started to run towards Santa.

Only one thought was going through Santa's head. WHERE WAS HIS BODY GURADS?!

With Gai and Lee

" Lee…..save Santa…for the children." Gai said through the pain. He was being rather dramatic since the little girl got hit twice and got up already.

" Screw them! What about you?!" Lee shouted through tears.

" Oh when you put it like that, save Santa for me then. For my sake." Gai said no longer in pain.

" Alright sensei! I'll save him for you!" With that, Lee ran towards where Santa was running. Gai just laid on the floor. " I gotta get a better job." He said.

With Sasuke

" Damn it! Eyeliner boy, I lost track of him!" Sasuke shouted in his ear piece. No reply. He waited for a few seconds before calling again. " Eyeliner boy do you read me?!"

" Oh I read you. I'm just not answering to eyeliner boy." Gaara replied. You could just see him crossed armed and glaring at Sasuke.

" B-but come on! We discussed this last night!" Sasuke shouted.

" No, you did. I did not take any part in it and you just assigned my code name, which I knew nothing about! Call me sand nin and I may respond." Gaara said.

Sasuke sighed. He felt a headache coming on. " Sand nin I lost track of him." Sasuke said, clearly annoyed.

" I know. That's because I have him."

Sasuke eye twitched. This kid was such a pain. He had that guy and he didn't say anything?! " Why didn't you say so before?!" He yelled.

" You were calling me eyeliner boy. So I put you in the dark about where the ass was. Were even." Gaara said simply.

" Were not even! That wasn't- you cant just- oh screw this! Where's your location?"

" With me." Naruto said.

" What?! You knew too?! Why didn't you tell me?!" Sasuke yelled.

" Gaara told me not to."

Sasuke went silent. Of all the people to be in a group with, why was it with these idiots? They were just trying to piss him off. They were winning in that department too. " So your near Santa's place?" He asked.

" We were. Now were in the food court." Naruto said.

Sasuke breathed in heavily and blew out. He tried to calm his nerves. These guys were pissing him off so much. He swore he was going to kill them if it was the last thing he ever did.

" Where. In. the. Food court?" He asked slowly.

" Behind you." Gaara said out loud, causing Sasuke to jump.

" Christ, you scared the shit out of me!" He shouted. His eyes widened when he saw Santa. He was covered in blood and his arm looked broken. But he still was breathing.

" GAARA WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Sasuke screamed in rage.

" I got carried away that's what I did." Gaara said and crossed his arms.

" Don't worry Sasuke, I already freaked out on him." Naruto said. He yelled, cowered and felt like hitting Gaara. Thats how he delt with what Gaara did.

" Really? Alright cool. But seriously Gaara, what did you do?" Sasuke asked, much calmer now.

" I used the bb gun and other things." Gaara said.

"…...okay." Sasuke said weary. He didn't really want to know what Gaara did. Gaara can be really brutal when he wanted to be. Which was all the time but today he went all out.

" Halt!" Lee shouted as he caught up to Sasuke, Gaara and Naruto. Said boys looked at Lee. He looked so stupid! His elf outfit was okay but the ears! The ears is what made it ten times more funny. And the make up Lee was wearing. " Release Santa or feel my- Gaara is that you?" He asked and walked closer to Gaara.

" Gaara! Why couldn't you wear sunglasses?! Or at least something that hid your identity?!" Naruto yelled at Gaara so loud that the red heads hat fell off his head.

Gaara bent down and picked up his hat. He dusted it off and put it back on his head. " You never told me I had to." he said simply. Sasuke and Nartuo felt like slapping Gaara upside the head. They knew Gaara didn't really do things like that unless he was told to but he could of thought about doing it!

" Are you here just to piss us off?" Sasuke asked.

" Uh guys?" Lee said in a small voice.

" I don't know. Am I pissing you off?" Gaara asked, clearly amused.

" YES! Your severely pissing me off!" Naruto shouted with angry bullets on his head.

" Then yes. I am here just to piss you off."

" Guys." Lee said louder.

" Gaara! You went rouge last mission and now your jeopardizing our new mission!" Naruto shouted.

" How? By not wearing sunglasses or a mask?" Gaara asked as he raised a non existence eyebrow.

" YES! YOUR RUINING THE MISSION!" Sasuke shouted.

" Don't get your panties in a bunch." Gaara said before groaning. " Geez, you guys act like Temari when she's on her period."

" Oh you little-" Naruto was about to pounce when Lee screamed.

" GUYS!" Lee screamed.

" What?" They all asked.

" Santa's awake."

They look and saw Santa staring at them with fear in his eyes. Everyone except Gaara sweat dropped. He heard all that? That had to be embarrassing. " DIE SANTA!" Gaara shouted as he picked up a chair and hit it over Santa's head. He did it over and over until Lee pulled him away.

" GAARA WHAT THE FUCK?!" Lee shouted trying to hold the crazed boy at bay.

" Seriously Gaara you gotta chill." Naruto said. He honestly didn't care but Gaara was going a little bit insane.

" ….Gaara….do you go to anger management classes?" Sasuke asked.

" Are you saying I have anger issues?" Gaara asked calmly but you can see the fire burning in his eyes.

" N-no, no!" Sasuke responded quickly in order to keep the crazed boy off of him. " You just have a lot of rage towards Santa."

" That's cause my brother and sister got presents while I got shit! It's not fair! Why am I unloved?" Gaara asked.

" Maybe it's because you used to kill people?" Naruto said.

Gaara's eye twitched. That was when Naruto realized what he said. Though, he didn't get time to say sorry as sand attacked him. " Mercy! Mercy!" Naruto screamed as he ran. The sand stopped and Naruto breathed in relief.

" You have anger issues man." Naruto said before thinking. The sand went after him again and he screamed before just watched him before a bright light came. It got brighter and brighter until it landed on the fake Santa's corpse's.

" Ew! Dead guy juice!" The man screamed and scraped the blood off his boot.

" Oh. My. Gwad." Lee said dropping Gaara. He stared at the man in awe.

" It's- its" Sasuke said.

" Santa Claus." Naruto said in amazement. It was the real Santa Claus.

" You fat bastard. You fat sorry son of a bitch. Your so dead."

* * *

Almost done. Have one more chapter to do or something. I dont know. Gaara has a lot of anger issues towards that fat bastard. Anyway, Santa's here! Will he die? Will Gaara kill him? Porbably. find out later today!


	3. Chapter 3

Santa stepped back from the crazed red headed boy. He put his hands up in surrender. He knew he neglected the boy for many years but he had a good reason! At least a good reason in his book. " I come in peace!" He shouted.

" I didn't ask." Gaara said. He could be so cold blooded sometimes.

" I'll tell you why I neglected the three of you for so long!" He shouted.

It went quiet. He saw Gaara standing there crossed armed, like he was waiting for a good excuse not to kill him. The others looked interested as well. Like they wanted to see the reason for not killing him yet. Santa stood up and cleared his throat. He better say this just right or else he was done for.

" I didn't come to you because you didn't write a letter." He said.

He shrunk into the size of a flee as the three boys who were neglected grew extremely big with fire in their eyes. Saying that was a big mistake. They did write a letter one year and they still got shit! It pissed them off that this guy would say lies like that.

" Gaara kill him." Naruto ordered.

" With pleasure." Gaara grinned that insane grin he only used in battle when he was going to win. He was going to enjoy this.

" WAIT!" Lee screamed and ran in front of Santa. Gaara could of easily killed them both but seeing Naruto is friends with Lee, he couldn't. Not yet anyway. " He didn't go to you guys because your wishes already came true. Except for Sasuke but for the rest of you it did!" Lee shouted.

The boys looked at him. Lee sweat dropped. This was going to be hard to explain. " Um, you see, Naruto! You want ramen right?"

" Yes…" Naruto said.

" Who buys you ramen all the time?" He asked the blond.

" Well ever since I met Gaara, he has. Why?" Naruot questioned his friend. He didn't see where this was going.

" Gaara's your ramen guy!" Lee said.

It took, like 30 seconds to get what Lee meant. " Oh I get it!" Naruto said happily with his famous smile.

" Gaara! You wanted a true friend that wont stab you in the back right?!" Lee asked kinda excited.

" What about it?" Gaara asked and folded his arms.

" Naruto is your true friend!"

" What you talking bout Lee?" Gaara asked as he raised a non existence brow. What the hell was this guy talking about? Naruto was more like an annoying dog then a friend. At times. But he did consider Naruto as a friend. He was good, he was just so annoying.

Lee went silent. How do explain to a kid who didn't trust anyone? " Lets see, he's your first friend! He understands what you'v been through and you understand what he been through. See? True friends!" Lee said with a victory tone.

Naruto and Gaara looked at each other. They shrugged and murmured in agreement. " I don't get my wish come true!" Sasuke complained.

" No offence dude, but you wanna kill your brother. I don't think any one will help you with your wish." Lee said.

" I would but we don't know where he is right now. So until then, your wish cant come true." Gaara said. He woud kill that guy for Sasuke but he doesnt know where he is and doesnt feel like looking for him. He's too tired at the moment.

" So are you guys going to let me go?" Santa asked.

The boys looked at each other. Should they let him go? Or kill him what to do…..what to do? Kill him? Or let him go? So many choices.

" Were coming back for you if you don't pay what you owe when we write a letter." Naruto said.

" Don't worry! I wont forget!" Santa said in fear. He was never neglect these kids again. He did not want his ass on their wall. He liked his ass on his body, thank you very much.

The nodded and Santa ran away. They all stood in silence and looked at the damage they had down. Everything had burn marks and people were injured. Some were bleeding and that Santa guy was dead. There was only one thing to be said about this. " This is the best Christmas ever." Gaara said with a very tiny smile.

" You said it dude." Naruto said.

" Christmas rulz!" Lee shouted and pumped his fist in the air.

" Isnt your teacher hurt?" Sasuke asked. Naruto told him he shot Gai before he lost track of Santa. He didnt really care but now he cared, Just alittle bit.

Lee forze with his fist in the air and a smile on his face before running to the area where his teacher was. " IM COMING SENSEI!" He screamed.

everyone watched him run. This was a pretty interesting Christmas. Sasuke started to laugh. " What?" Naruto asked. Sasuke kept laughing and pointed above Gaara's and Naruto's head. They looked up and saw a mistletoe. They looked at each and blushed. " You wanna do that or you wanna run?" Naruto asked.

" Run." He repiled and ran like hell. Naruto shout ' wait up!' and ran after him. Sasuke chased after them saying they had to it. This really was the best Christmas ever.

* * *

Well this story kinda sucks but I followed through with it! Its my first finished story too! Yay me!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!


End file.
